when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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