if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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