no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
