were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
