The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
