He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
