But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
