I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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