God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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