Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my shit smells like andre
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Watching her eat just hurts me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
