Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize