Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
