please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
