To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
