i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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