Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize