White coat. Heels.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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