It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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