are you still at the devil's house?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
