Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to calm my uterus...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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