Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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