I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
