Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize