Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
