It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
