Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
And then he peed in my hair
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