Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
