How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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