It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
