I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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