??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize