we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
