come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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