I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
