I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
