We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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