i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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