It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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