you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
