You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
