Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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