i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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