You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
