k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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