spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
