oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
