I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
