I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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