No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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