We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
