do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
