see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
