Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
