You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
