I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why didn't you poke me back
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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