I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
