between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
