i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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