dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
