Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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