By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
