the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize