Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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