and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
