I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
