Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
